Magazine Covers Cause Hospital Hysterics

 

My skin cancer tumour surgery # 2 was yesterday morning.  Arrive at the hospital with my chauffeuring niece, check in, get my wristband for the sold out show, and go sit and wait.  Was feeling a little nervous, resentful at having cancer, and worried about the ‘what ifs’ running through my head.  Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah, whatever.  And then I glance at the table in front of me to see what magazines are available to distract my wandering mind and these are the three my eyes first land on …

 

Hospital mags edited

 

Brilliant!  I can read about Cancer Care Ontario’s current 5-year plan and how to live with my cancer and look as sincerely(?) happy about it as the gal on the cover of Lives.  Perfect reading material for all us cancer patients coming in for day surgery like me or other treatments such as chemo, don’t you think?  OR …

I can let Maclean’s inform me that this is how I’m going to die.  Hmm, tough choice here.  Which shall I pick up?

Answer:  none of them.  I started laughing so hard I think I alarmed the nurses at the nearby station and my co-conspirators in the fight against cancer down the hall.  Perhaps they all thought I gave myself a little over the counter dose of my own pain killer in advance of the surgery.  Or, that I had arrived in the wrong section of the hospital.  I dunno.

I sent out the pic of the lovely spread of reading material to a few folks who also got a good chuckle out of it.  And by the time I was done that and laughing hysterically about it, it was time to go in and make my acquaintance with the knife.  Thanks for helping me kill some otherwise fraught with nervousness time God.  Your sense of humour yesterday was spot on.
[really bad skin cancer pun intended]

After I was home, I showed my eldest the pic and vowed to go gather up as many other types of magazines as I could find at our local thrift stores and take them back to the hospital to replace the ones I saw.  And any others that don’t exactly have the most fitting headlines for folks to see right before their cancer treatments.  Probably won’t find exactly what I would have liked to read but we’ll see.  If I can find any with the following cover pages, I think I’ll have some winners.

 

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Vanity Is Fair
Best Social Media Captions For Surgery Selfies
#ItTakesSkillToTripOverAir

 

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Rolling Stoned
Taking A Ride Under The Influence Of Anaesthetic

 

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Hospital Geographics
New App To Help You Find Your Way Back To Your Room

 

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Patient’s Digest
Post-Surgery Constipation Cures Now At Your Local Hardware Store

 

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Sports Injuries Illustrated
This Year’s Top 10 Epic DIY Surgical Fails

 

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National Inquirer
Waiting Room Footsies Cause of Nation’s Hand Foot Mouth Disease Epidemic!

 

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Maximize
Turn Day Surgery Into An Appointment With Dr. Summer-Off

 

Mondriaanmode door Yves St Laurent (1966)

 Cosmo In The Hospito
Wearing Your Hospital Gown With Sex Appeal

 

Yeah, I know, my sense of humour here is a tad against the grain.  But I’m cool with that.  Through all of my lifetime ails and injuries, good ole Reader’s Digest has always been there to remind me that laughter is the best medicine.  Bottoms up to that.  With a gown on of course.

 

“The heart prefers to move against the grain of circumstance; perversity is the soul’s very life.”

John Updike, Author

 

Postscript:

Thanks again to all the readers who sent well wishes.  The surgery went very well.  Tumour is now gone, or at least almost entirely gone.  Yeah, it’s gonna grow back but who knows when, we’ll deal with that when the time comes.  Recuperating at home with a few days off work.  Livin’ and lovin’ life and lettin’ some laughs be the medicinal elixer of it.

 

In response to today’s Daily Prompt:  Grain

 


Listen to music.  It could save your soul.  Be kind.  It could save someone’s world.  Wear a hat.  It could save your life.

67 thoughts on “Magazine Covers Cause Hospital Hysterics

  1. Glad your surgery went well, your sense of humor is wonderful and those magazines were awful to have there but your lightheartedness helped to change the whole nerve-wrecking vibe! Thank God! Peace & Blessings to you!!!
    BTW… the hospital gown one was funny!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow speechless. good ole Reader’s Digest has always been there to remind me that laughter is the best medicine. Bottoms up to that. With a gown on of course.

    I don’t know what to say, but congrats on your bravery and sharing. all the very best for everything

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dang. Sometimes, some dark humor saves the day. I appreciate that about your post, and you!
    I’m glad you’re recovering well, and that you’re pushing through, it seems, with flying colors.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh, I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of magazine covers as clever as yours! Just one! All that comes to mind is this: Dumbo was never accepted by his peers until he got drunk and learned to fly.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “Post-Surgery Constipation Cures Now At Your Local Hardware Store”? OOOOOOOOOO I needed THAT article 3 1/2 months ago!!! 2 WEEKS of AGONY LOL!! Rest up my friend, and gently laugh yourself back to health (but don’t laugh too hard, as it may still be painful).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh no, sorry to hear that Meg, not a fun place to be I know. Resting is going well and laughter all the better but yes you’re right, since the surgery was over my ear it does kinda hurt so laughing inside more than out for a few days haha.
      Thanks for the good thoughts, hope you’re having a kindness-filled kinda day … Marianne

      Liked by 1 person

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