Magazine Covers Cause Hospital Hysterics

 

My skin cancer tumour surgery # 2 was yesterday morning.  Arrive at the hospital with my chauffeuring niece, check in, get my wristband for the sold out show, and go sit and wait.  Was feeling a little nervous, resentful at having cancer, and worried about the ‘what ifs’ running through my head.  Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah, whatever.  And then I glance at the table in front of me to see what magazines are available to distract my wandering mind and these are the three my eyes first land on …

 

 

Brilliant!  I can read about Cancer Care Ontario’s current 5-year plan and how to live with my cancer and look as sincerely(?) happy about it as the gal on the cover of Lives.  Perfect reading material for all us cancer patients coming in for day surgery like me or other treatments such as chemo, don’t you think?  OR …

I can let Maclean’s inform me that this is how I’m going to die.  Hmm, tough choice here.  Which shall I pick up?

Answer:  none of them.  I started laughing so hard I think I alarmed the nurses at the nearby station and my co-conspirators in the fight against cancer down the hall.  Perhaps they all thought I gave myself a little over the counter dose of my own pain killer in advance of the surgery.  Or, that I had arrived in the wrong section of the hospital.  I dunno.

I sent out the pic of the lovely spread of reading material to a few folks who also got a good chuckle out of it.  And by the time I was done that and laughing hysterically about it, it was time to go in and make my acquaintance with the knife.  Thanks for helping me kill some otherwise fraught with nervousness time God.  Your sense of humour yesterday was spot on.
[really bad skin cancer pun intended]

After I was home, I showed my eldest the pic and vowed to go gather up as many other types of magazines as I could find at our local thrift stores and take them back to the hospital to replace the ones I saw.  And any others that don’t exactly have the most fitting headlines for folks to see right before their cancer treatments.  Probably won’t find exactly what I would have liked to read but we’ll see.  If I can find any with the following cover pages, I think I’ll have some winners.

 

Vanity Is Fair
Best Social Media Captions For Surgery Selfies
#ItTakesSkillToTripOverAir

 

Rolling Stoned
Taking A Ride Under The Influence Of Anaesthetic

 

Hospital Geographics
New App To Help You Find Your Way Back To Your Room

 

Patient’s Digest
Post-Surgery Constipation Cures Now At Your Local Hardware Store

 

Sports Injuries Illustrated
This Year’s Top 10 Epic DIY Surgical Fails

 

National Inquirer
Waiting Room Footsies Cause of Nation’s Hand Foot Mouth Disease Epidemic!

 

Maximize
Turn Day Surgery Into An Appointment With Dr. Summer-Off

 

 Cosmo In The Hospito
Wearing Your Hospital Gown With Sex Appeal

 

Yeah, I know, my sense of humour here is a tad against the grain.  But I’m cool with that.  Through all of my lifetime ails and injuries, good ole Reader’s Digest has always been there to remind me that laughter is the best medicine.  Bottoms up to that.  With a gown on of course.

 

“The heart prefers to move against the grain of circumstance; perversity is the soul’s very life.”

John Updike, Author

 

Postscript:

Thanks again to all the readers who sent well wishes.  The surgery went very well.  Tumour is now gone, or at least almost entirely gone.  Yeah, it’s gonna grow back but who knows when, we’ll deal with that when the time comes.  Recuperating at home with a few days off work.  Livin’ and lovin’ life and lettin’ some laughs be the medicinal elixer of it.

 

In response to today’s Daily Prompt:  Grain

 

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Listen to music.  It could save your soul.  Be kind.  It could save someone’s world.  Wear a hat.  It could save your life.