“Can I tell it like it is?”
Okay, I will.
So that doctor’s appointment I mentioned the other day was with my ear doctor. I happen to have very tiny ear canals and excessive wax buildup so have to get my ears cleaned out and hearing checked every 6 months. No big deal.
He knows about the skin cancer tumour I have over my left ear, although it was a different doc who found and operated on it last summer. That doctor couldn’t get it all out and said a second surgery would come someday when it started to grow again, but would have to be by an ear surgeon since the tumour is so close to the inner workings of my ear. We anticipated ‘someday’ to be quite some time away. No big deal.
I hop into my ear doctor’s chair and he goes right to my left ear. But without the tools he uses to get the wax out. “Have you noticed any signs of growth of the tumour?” he asks. “Nope, not that I can tell”, I reply. “Well I do” he says, “it’s getting bumpy here, I don’t want to wait anymore, time to try to get the rest of it out.” No big deal.
He then proceeds to tell me it will be a simple procedure, much like the first surgery but this time at the hospital – just in case. I don’t like those words ‘just in case’. What the heck does that mean? Fear. And he’s going to do another biopsy on it as he’s concerned about it growing so soon. Wants to make sure it hasn’t turned malignant. Malignant, I don’t like that word either. More fear. Shit, I’m gonna have to tell my 3 kids about this. Their mama has to have another surgery on that damn tumour. She’s gonna have another hole in her head. They’re gonna be scared again. I don’t like telling my kids bad news. Even more fear.
After the appointment, I sat in my car for a bit. I went in to lose some wax and left with a date for surgery next month. Not the barter I was expecting. It was my day off and having to tell my kids, book time off work, and find someone to drive me to and from the hospital on surgery day was not on my ‘To Do’ list. A haircut, grabbing some groceries, and doing some writing were. Not that other crap.
“It’s getting to the point where I’m no fun anymore,
I am sorry”
Fear locked my heart up somewhat on Monday. I got over it. Mostly. Used the tools I’ve been taught to use. My faith, gratitude, and sharing it with a friend. But I forgot about one that comes in handy too. Laughter.
So here’s a funny story …
A chick pulls into a gas station, one she frequents often. “Her” pump is taken so she goes to another one she doesn’t usually use. Opens the lid for the gas tank, grabs the nozzle, hits the appropriate buttons, and goes to put the nozzle in. It won’t go in. WTF? Now what’s wrong with the car, she wonders out loud. Tries again, no luck. Puts her fingers in the tank opening. Yep, the soft rubber piece moves, there’s nothing blocking it. Tries again to get the nozzle in. Still won’t go in.
Decides to leave that pump and move the car over to the one she usually uses. Goes through the same preparatory motions. The nozzle goes in just fine thank you very much. Starts to pump the gas and while standing there, mindlessly glances over at the pump she was at first. There are two nozzles on it. One for gas and one for diesel. In 30 years of pumping gas, she has never done that before. She starts to laugh, and yes out loud. Finds it so funny she even mentions it to the attendant inside. As if they hadn’t already been watching her. The attendant gets a good chuckle out of it too.
“Something inside is telling me that I’ve got your secret
Are you still listening?
Fear is the lock and laughter the key to your heart”
And yes, that chick was me. Ain’t life grand? One day you can sit in your car crying like a little girl and another day laugh at your own silliness. Rule 62 Marianne … don’t take yourself so damn seriously.
All of the quotes I’m using are from one of my all-time favourite songs, Suite: Judy Blue Eyes by Crosby Stills & Nash. Here’s a video of them performing it live a few years ago. They said it was very risky to do, they hadn’t done it together live in a long time. Perhaps they had felt some fear that night too. But watch them interact with each other. They had fun with it and why not? What did they have to lose? Nothing. But their fear.
“Sing a song, don’t be long, thrill me to the marrow
Voices of the angels ring around the moonlight”
While reading your post I realized how much trouble you’ve had, but how little you show your emotion, but just toss it with “No Big Deal,” as for me I witnessed a blizzard which dumped 47 cm of snow, I did not say no big deal and did not move on instead I’m so angry seeing all that white stuff at this time of the year.
Marianne bless your heart for taking all these problems so calmly with only, saying,”Oh it’s No Big Deal.” Not all of us can take adversities with a song and laughter. God bless you! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
And may God bless you as well my friend.
Check out this video. Maybe it will make you laugh about the snow. 🙂
http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=WGLY7GNX
Or … go out into it and make a snow angel and then write a post about it. You might laugh so hard the anger just up and disappears on you haha!
Blessings … Marianne
LikeLike
Incredible!
I started blogging this month, and it is a pleasure that I came across your blog.
It has inspired me to start my next article.
Thank you:)
Reply
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks DH. And my apologies for the delay in replying – your message somehow got caught in my spam filter and upon checking that folder now I just saw it.
Congrats on your first blog! I just started mine last year and it’s a very exciting thing isn’t it?
Hope you’re having a blast with your writing and maybe I’ll see you along the side of the road again someday soon.
Wishing you a kindness-filled kinda day … Marianne
LikeLiked by 1 person
They are/were so darn good–I have always loved that song. Marianne–I am really glad you are having this done at the hospital. Too close to your ear to risk outpatient in your doctor’s office. Good vibes for a benign tumor. ❤
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks Loisa for the good vibes. I’ll take ’em! And you’re right, it probably is better to do in the hospital ‘just in case’. I love my ear doc and trust him completely so I’ll meditate on that to help me get over the ‘just in case’ worry.
Thanks again, hope you’re having a kindness-filled kinda day … Marianne
LikeLike
[…] – Guest Post: You Can Help LGBT Students in Pittsburgh Public Schools Right Now 14. Laughter Is The Key – along the side of the road 15. Rebuild & Rise – #AtoZChallenge – The Piscean me 16. Queen of a Full House – […]
LikeLike
Fear does freeze our heart and it is hard to move on. You made excellent progress defrosting. Left foot, right foot, breath in, breath out, right????
LikeLiked by 1 person
Defrosting eh? Love it. What I great visual for me to use when I feel that fear freezing me up. Thanks tons for that Bernadette. It’s sure to help in the future I know.
Left foot, right foot, breath in, breath out, laugh out loud, trip over left foot with right foot, breath some more, laugh some more … 🙂 Marianne
LikeLike
Oh man, this ear news does suck. But I sense your strong constitution and you are so right … faith & laughter play important roles if not a critical ones, as does the strong constitution (doctors actually told me that). I wrote my best humor while under duress of surviving cancer. It’s been 10-years, woohoo!, and I’m still here. You will be, too. You’re just that kind of lady :). Please let us know how you’re doing. God bless your next appointment and you & your children in being comforted through understandable worry.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks SITR. Happy to meet your spot along my side of the road haha!
Congrats on the 10 yrs, plus all the other things you’ve overcome as I can see on your site. Sounds like you’re my kind of lady so I just gave you a follow.
Blessings right back at ya and I hope you’re having a kindness-filled kinda day … Marianne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha! I have done that too at a gas station. Looking like a fool cursing the pump like it’s the one at fault… Good luck with your surgery!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good to know I’m not the only one – thanks for telling me Kimberly! And appreciate the well wishes too so thanks for those.
Wishing you a kindness-filled kinda day … Marianne
LikeLike
Sending positive healing vibes your way Marianne!! 🙏☀️☀️☀️🙏🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks lady. Oh and there she goes again, using those fancy schmancy emoticons from her I-whatever keypad, filling me with envy again.
🙌 🎅🌺🆒
There … I just found a website I can cut & paste them from … are they working???
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha!!! Yes!!! Youve joined the realm of emoticons!!! 😂😂😂😂😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Woot woot!
LikeLiked by 1 person
From Amazon lead into: Hitchcock’s Ear. Music and the Director’s Art by: David Schroeder
Music is an underexplored dimension in Hitchcock’s works. Taking a different view from most works on Hitchcock, David Schroeder focuses on how an expanded definition of music influences Hitchcock’s conception of cinema. The structure and rhythm of his films is an important addition to the critical literature on Hitchcock and our understanding of his films and approach to filmmaking.
Alfred Hitchcock liked to describe his work as a director in musical terms; for some of his films, it appears that he started with an underlying musical conception, and transformed that sense of music into visual images. The director’s favorite scenes lacked dialogue, and they made their impact through a combination of non-verbal actions and music. For example, the waltz and the piano are used as powerful images in silent films, and this approach carries over into sound films. Looking at such films as Vertigo, Rear Window, and Shadow of a Doubt, Schroeder provides a unique look at the way that Hitchcock thought about cinema in musical terms.
My hat is a Tilley. https://www.tillys.com/ Looking at his film “Vertigo,” do we have a wax build up problem here?
Have a great day my Literary friend, and the beat goes on.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, very interesting reading there, thanks for sharing that with me Rooster.
You have a great day as well and yes, may the beat always go on! Marianne
LikeLike
Sorry, wrong web site previously. My readers were off one line.
http://www.hats.com/shop/tilley.html?CAWELAID=120173250000002357&CAPCID=66157113267&cadevice=c&agid=20412809067&catci=kwd-29169611&gclid=CJ3-mf6goswCFYIfhgodfN4HOQ
LikeLiked by 1 person
We look for strength to deal with stuff that gets thrown at us. How lovely that you had a silly moment to put life back into perspective and draw from your own feel good reservoir. I am laughing together with you as I imagine you shoving something where it don’t belong! I need to loosen up and laugh at my own silliness too. Thanks for sharing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ooppss, sorry for the delay Gina, just caught now that I had missed your comment from the other day.
And I laughed at your laughing! Thanks for my smile for the day. 🙂
Marianne
LikeLiked by 1 person
No worries Marianne! Keep that smile on today!
LikeLiked by 1 person
If I say that earwax is sometimes correlated with sweat, but that paradoxically, tends to build up faster in cold climates due to the excess material generated by ear eczema under dry conditions, would you laugh or be disgusted? 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Neither capital Q. Confused is what I am for the moment at least. Perhaps after I finish this XL double double I’ll have more brain power to either roll on the floor or puke on it. 😄
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good options! Roll first, it’ll be cleaner.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Like the Reader’s Digest feature, “Laughter Is The Best Medicine.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me too. Fond memories of waiting rooms with the books in them and those were always the first pages I went to.
LikeLike